hm.....I like these little dot, dot, dots......it's sort of like blah blah blah or yadda yadda's....i like it. It seems to make since....you addd a pause, at least that's how i use them. So....(there is a long pause) it's like you want to say something but your not sure how to phrase it so.....there you go...everyone knows what's going on....or....maybe they don't. Who cares really.....I like them because it adds feeling to your sentence, txt msg., or anything really. I almost want to add it into my converstation......

maybe I will next time ".....that's it"

What happens to those women who don't want to be defined by labels? "Hi I am the wife of... or Hi I am the mother of..." Why am I not happy with just that? Why? There are women who work 2 jobs just to keep food in their kids mouths, clothes on their backs, and a roof over their heads and would be greatful to have a life to where they don't have to struggle and they can be with their kids and enjoy them, but dont have that opportunity to do so. Then there are those women who put their careers first, who don't want kids or realize too late that they did and wish they could go back and create that family they never knew they wanted. and then are those who want it all. Who don't just want to be defined as just a wife or mother, who want their own position in life. Who want to make just as much money as their spouse so they too can provide and help support their family and of course a little bit of their ego. That's me. I didn't know if I ever wanted to get married or have kids. but i did. you can't help when you fall in love, it just happens, ad kids sometimes come without warning. So I have a family and now I want a career. I am beginning to think that is too much....or is it. I work now with a group of women who would love not to have to work. Not to have to deal with the struggle of paying their bills, and some have husbands and some don't. My disappointment in myself is that I set goals and when I dont acheive them I feel like I am useless. Feeling bad for myself is for some a little crazy. my husband makes good money, we live comfortably, and really there is no need for me to work. unless I want to get my hair done or go out to lunch or buy a dress that I have to have. I feel like if I want to do those things then I should get my lazy butt off to work. That's what a normal person with perfectly good working body parts would do. Who knows what the right thing is to do I feel totally lost and no one understands me. Of course if I was one of those women working 2 jobs then I wouldn't feel sorry for me either. But I want to succeed on my terms and I feel like I just failed. I failed. I have nothing to offer and will never have anything to be proud of. So I guess I should start by being proud of my healthy family and forget about what I never accomplished. I hope that my son is successful, that's all I can hope for and be proud of.

Not Good

Has anyone out there wanted something so bad a didn't get it. I know that feeling. I've always thought that if I try really hard and be prepared I would do something great, something special. We'll I haven't. I haven't done anything special in my whole life. i realized that today after listening to my answering machine. i went for an interview, i thought went great, not excellent, but good. I have done a lot in my community, maybe not enough. I don't know. I just feel like I know I have all this potential and no one else can see it. Or maybe they see something I don't see, that I have no potential and they know it. I'm the one who is in denial. I think that is more the truth. I want to believe that I have something good to offer. I want to do something that my husband and son can be proud of. And I have failed. I have to come to the realization that I am just me, nothing special. I am doing what I was put on this earth to do, a 9 to 5 (thankless job). I am the robot. That is me, never a leader only a follower. Just me, nothing more than another statistic, just a number. I want to be so much more, but....I need to give up and just be who I am.

Life can just kick you in the ass when ever it wants.......

Where to Start........

Only seems like yesturday I was stressing out about graduating and all that comes with the stress of it all. Where did the time go? It feels like the older I get the time seems to speed up. Maybe the saying is correct, time flys when your having fun!

What have I been doing you may or may not care. In Feb. O9 we went to Peru for a month, AMAZING!! After that we went to Spain. And then spent last summer enjoying having my son to my self for, a while anyways, and lastly we spent the last week of August at Lake Powell, beautiful place. My friends found this great place to dock their boat and we felt like we were the only people there. It was so perfect, we woke up with bathing suits on and at night sat in front of the camp fire, it truely was heaven. None of us at the end of four days on the boat wanted to leave, it was perfect.

And then life kicked in, my son started Kinder and I found a job all in the same week.

I forgot what it was like to awake by the sound of an alarm, annoying! I almost died the first week:) But I pulled through and love what I do! How many people get to say that, not many. I work for an organization main purpose is to keep people from being homeless. Sounds a bit Miss America, but it is a good feeling everyday knowing that I have helped those who have for some reason lost their way.

Now it's March 2010, wow! I don't know what this year has in store for me but it is off to a very interesting start. Let's me just say that being good all the time is boring and I got just what I wanted;) That's for me to know and nobody to find out!

About My Group, "Wear A Condom"

Working with my group was really a great pleasure. I feel that Hannah, Roxy and myself should all get A's for our project. We all worked very well together and it helped that we all shared the same vision for "Wear A Condom" and purpose for this game. Hannah who was the main leader in the group really did a great job in directing us, but also allowed for all of our ideas to play a part in this project. Hannah was the main person in charge of the game, even though it was all three of our ideas that were put into the game and created the powerpoint. It also helped that the game was accessible to all of us and our own ideas. Roxy, was really great at trouble shooting. Roxy really had the ability to see what was wrong with our game and be able to find out how to make it better. Finally, my contribution to the group was creating a website that mimicked the game itself. A simple and straight to the point website, that was easy to follow for all who viewed it as well as give information about the game and an easy way to link to the actual game itself. I also, shared in the creation of our game.

All in all our team worked well with each other. Our group meet on a timely bases to complete the project and we all think it turned out great despite any complication that might of happened on presentation day. It was a fun project to be a part of and I really enjoyed the learning process of making a video game. It was interesting to find out that there are a lot of free and accessible software that there is out there. After this basic introduction to that it has increased my curiosity and I would like to learn more.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

This is my last post! Cause I'm Graduating!!!
I like saying that

But I just wanted to wish everyone in class a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

I never thought I would say this, only because I am not the biggest fan of snow, but hopefully it will snow soon. Living here for five years I learned to deal with it, but for some reason this December it just doesn't feel the same with out it.